Acknowledging Sadness in these Corona Times
This morning I woke up to a feeling of sadness. In the past two weeks I’ve been experiencing emotional whiplash from seeing what has changed and how people are affected, to feeling gratitude that the ones I love are mostly healthy and safe at this moment.
You may recognize this, because especially those of us who are supporting others in their emotional or spiritual wellbeing do our best to stay positive, and to up-level or shift as best as we can, reframing our reality to find the meaning and purpose in what is evolving.
And there is great beauty and courage in that.
And yet, there is also great beauty and courage in allowing this feeling of sadness to visit us. Not to be immediately dealt with. Or taken a hold of, managed, shifted so as to be done with it.
Instead, to be used as an invitation, to be acknowledged and for us to love even that part of this experience we call ‘life’.
Truth is, at this moment, it all just sucks. I know this feeling will shift again soon. (I have a defined Solar Plexus, so give me an hour or so and I’ll be in a very different emotional place!)
My concern stems from the past, when I pushed myself to stay positive, to try to only focus on the ‘intended future’ (which is always better, happier and greener than the current reality).
What happened was that the disconnect became so great between that intended positivity and the real situation, that it brought about anxiety and a sense of powerless and even a feeling of failure: ’why can’t I make myself feel better’? And I’ve recognized that the pushing only creates more resistance, and resistance holds things in place.
Yesterday a client, someone who usually comes across as very grounded and with a sense of deliberate purpose about him, said “Is it weird that I’m experiencing feeling lost and this sense of powerlessness?”
It’s not weird. None of us is weird feeling any of this. The world is very different right now as we are dealing with the effects of the Coronavirus. People don’t like change. But we do feel better if we have a conscious choice about this change. It helps us shift from that powerlessness to feeling more empowered.
In light of all this ramble, I grabbed my Oracle and drew some cards. (many of you know I’m working on a card deck inspired by Human Design; I’m so excited!) Here is the ‘Big Game’-layout that I drew around the Coronavirus. The solution, “clarity and compassion”, seem like a good message to hold on to.
Big game layout, the Universe’s perspective on what is really going on:
1: What is the big perspective? What is the bigger game I am playing here?
Card: 12 Standstill Do not worry, my Dear One. It may seem that your world has come to a halt. You may feel stuck, as if the whole world is moving, except you. However, this is how it is supposed to be. The Universe is supporting you with the time necessary for you to go inward. Light a candle, grab your journal… You are entering a similar process like the caterpillar when it has to go through its transformation. From the outside it may seem that nothing is happening… But wait and see. Soon, you will emerge from your cocoon like the beautiful butterfly, with an enormous jump in your personal evolution.
Affirmation: This too shall pass. I honor the rhythm of All that Is. I am open to my transformation to occur, effortlessly and joyfully, and in its own timing.
2: Where does this resistance come from?
36 Crisis Resolution Like the Fool card in the Tarot, you are standing on the edge, about to leap into the void. It may feel like a crisis: that feeling you get when you are about to jump off a cliff without a safety net to catch you… But if you find yourself here, it all but assures that you can manage whatever has come on your path. We are only presented with those opportunities for growth that we can handle, however challenging they may seem. It has been said that Fear is just Excitement without the Breath… You are lifting up humanity with what you are going through. Sharing about your learning will be of support to others.
Affirmation: Everything that happens in my life, happens to serve me. Never against me.
3: What is the attitude I could hold or action I could be taken?
51 Shock Something came as a shock to you, or perhaps you created a shock for others. Either way, this is an opportunity to reevaluate what is happening. You are given a chance to realign yourself with your Purpose and what you are here to do. Know that you have the courage to do it. Often the times in which great changes happen are the ones that suddenly make you aware of the beauty of life and what you truly value. This may also be a time of more mystical awareness. Know that even if you feel lost, the powers of the Universe are supporting you and helping you walk your path. You are so loved!
Affirmation: I am present to the spiritual and material realms guiding me on my purposeful path.
4: When I do that, what will the growth or the outcome be of this situation?
4 Mental Solutions Something has been on your mind, lately. This card shows that a clear, logical answer is available for you. You’ll find that you suddenly understand what can be done to solve the issue at hand. Just remember that no matter how sure you are, a solution can only be a true solution once it has been put to the test. Only then is when you find out if it actually works or not! There is something as ‘right timing’ in sharing your perfect solution with others: you’ll find that a little compassion can go a long way. The resolve cards will help you recognize if this is that ‘right timing’ to share your answer, as each ‘timing’ may have its own possible solution.
Affirmation: Today, I have clarity and move with compassion through my life.
Sharing some Peace and Luck
Take a moment and
… stop …
with what you are doing.
Put your hands in your lap,
sit up straight and
take a breath…
I mean a real one.
One that is slow and deep.
One that cleanses you as you inhale, taking the oxygen deeply into your body.
Notice how your whole body responds as you do this.
Feel the cells of your body vibrating with energy, celebrating life as you slowly exhale and inhale again.
Feel your shoulders gently return to their original position, relaxing from having been tightly pulled up too high.
They feel so much better now that the tension is slowly released.
Repeat this deep breath three more times and just bring your awareness to how you are feeling now. Did anything shift? Are you feeling more calm? More present?
We are invited by the planets to continue our transformation. After the brief respite we experienced last month, this November you may have been experiencing extra tension and pressure. There is an inner push – pull going on that can leave you frazzled. (If so: breathe…)
You probably know that we currently are in Mercury Retrograde and you probably are aware of what that means, so I won’t share too much about it. Except that this would be the pull that invites us to go inward.
However, there is also a push from Saturn and Pluto, both bringing the discipline and potential transformation to truly express our life aligned with our Purpose. And that tension can be uncomfortable.
A few days ago I took some time for a lovely cleansing walk along the ocean, to smell the fresh air and listen to the crashing of the waves down below.
I made my way to what I secretly call the ‘Peace Tree’. Someone, or maybe several someones, takes it upon themselves to write the word “Peace” on small rocks and then hide the rocks in the bark of this particular tree.
If you know where to look, it is always wonderful to discover them, like little treasures. Occasionally, you’ll find rocks with images painted on them, or words like Love or Hope or Energy… The last number of months it has mostly been the word “Peace”.
This time, however, I also found luck in the form of a gold colored coin with a four leaf clover and a good luck message on its back. It had been stuck in the tree: such a wonderful surprise! Instantly I felt deeply grateful for the generous, playful spirit who orchestrated hiding it.
And I realized that while I was still busy, I didn’t actually have to feel busy. In that one moment, I shifted out of what my mind was working on, to become really present.
So I invite you to the same: by recognizing that the current pressure is simply the planets’ way to support our path, we can appreciate how we experience our lives, moment by moment. And life becomes really beautiful then. Breathing helps: breathe deeply and breathe often!
And if you’re looking for some luck, I know a tree that is offering some. (If you’re lucky the coin is still there!)
(here is a picture of the lucky coin to share some with you)
The Value of You (two minute- read and a question)
This past weekend i had the amazing opportunity to attend the Wisdom 2.0 conference in San Francisco. If you haven’t heard about this event, it brings together people from the mindfulness / meditation field with the business world, in particular the technology-world. Think Silicon Valley.
There were amazing speakers, ranging from Jay Shetty (viral spiritual teacher) to John and Julie Gottman (founders of the couple’s therapy institute), mindfulness meditation teachers Jack Kornfield and his wife, Trudy Goodman, as well as Ev Williams, founder of Twitter, Karen May and several others of Google, etc. Truly phenomenal.
Many conversations struck a cord, but one in particular has been keeping me occupied these past number of days, because its message resonates so much with my own.
It happened during a conversation between Soren Gordhamer, the organizer and Paul Hawken, the environmentalist and editor of the book ‘Drawdown’, in which Paul talked about an ‘us vs them’- mentality in our world.
Paul said (I’m paraphrasing): “There is no other species than humans that makes a whole subset of the population ‘invalid’, that we simply push aside and say ‘you don’t have anything valuable to bring in.”
“Just look at ants, for instance. They don’t turn to other ants saying “You better leave, we don’t need you. You don’t have anything to bring in.”
Laughter ensued. However, what he said really stayed with me.
You see, when people experience that they don’t have anything of value to contribute, it creates a separation between themselves and others.
And separation creates loneliness, and as I previously wrote https://www.connectingnewdots.com/articles/, loneliness is just as bad for you as smoking almost a pack of cigarets a day!
What touched me so deeply about his comment is how it resonates with my own mission, which is to help people feel recognized for what they bring in, their gifts and strengths, so they can make their meaningful contribution into the world.
We’re not designed to be lonely. We are designed to be unique and to share our value.
I’ve been coaching in this area for over 18 years now, and I know what is possible when people get to recognize their unique value and, moving through limiting beliefs, get to express their beauty into the world.
Yes, it may take some time, but guess what: the perfect time is now!
Mercury just went Retrograde on the 5th of March. This is the perfect time to go inward, to rediscover, reevaluate and recover your unique gifts, your wisdom and your vision…
So my burning question for you is:
Do you feel valued, in your life? In your work?
And here is the question that I’d love to hear from you about:
What is your greatest challenge when it comes to bringing your value into the world?
You can simply email me: marije (at) connectingnewdots.com, I promise I’ll read and respond to you personally.
Better yet, I’d love to have a conversation with you about this, as this issue is truly close to my heart and I am really good at helping people recognize and express their value.
While I can’t promise that we will solve everything in this brief conversation, I will do my best to help you get crystal clear about what is holding you back and I’ll give you some powerful strategies to help you get closer to expressing the YOU that is truly YOU.
I’m here to support you from the heart!
Can Kindness Cure Loneliness? Let’s find out!
Some time ago, a friend of mine would send me a quick one-line message in the morning. Not every day, but occasionally, just to let me know I was thought of. Which always was a great start of my day! Recently I decided to try the same for someone else. In the morning I sent one of my friends a quick note. ‘Good morning! I think you are awesome! Hope you have a great day!’
Her response was one of joy and gratitude! My friend really appreciated the uplifting message. I think it made a good start of her day, and what’s more, it was a great start of mine, as well!
It’s interesting to realize that these little moments of kindness may have a much bigger effect than we might expect. The few minutes it takes to reach out to someone makes them feel recognized and know they matter. Here is why that is so important in this day and age.
In an article by former Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy, who served under President Obama, he writes that loneliness is an epidemic. Even though we may be technologically connected through Facebook, Instagram and other social networks, the number of people reporting to feel isolated has doubled since the 1980’s.
And I know from personal experience how painful loneliness can be. Many years ago, when I just moved to the United States from Holland, I knew hardly anybody in my new town. Getting started in a new city can be a challenge, let alone beginning anew in a whole different country!
Where I came from I had a huge social circle. ‘Meeting with someone’ meant just walking over to their house and knocking on their door. Yet here, in this new country, if you wanted to meet with someone, you had to schedule it two or three weeks in advance… That was a big adjustment. Fast forward many years, I now have a strong social circle, but it really took time to build.
During that time I experienced a lot of anxiety, which I learned is also caused by loneliness. According to research, loneliness might even be a bigger health risk than smoking or obesity and can increase risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia and depression. Loneliness influences our work as well, because the associated increased cortisol levels reduce our ability to think clearly and make decisions. And this all happens when loneliness turns inward.
But what, if it is expressed outwardly? The truth is that there are some awful things that have happened in the world, done by individuals who don’t feel seen or acknowledged. Who feel that their actions are the only painful way out of an already deeply painful existence.
My hope and belief is that if we are more kind, more aware of others and more present to what’s going on for them, maybe some of these things could be avoided…
So here is my question to you. How can you connect with someone in such a way that it lights them up? It doesn’t have to be big or expensive. It can be a text or an email. You can send a card or pick up the phone. Smile to someone in the checkout line… The possibilities are endless. And then check in with yourself afterwards, how it affected your life?
What will you do, today?
Below is a fun idea… And please let me know how you spread kindness, I’d love to hear from you!
I hope you enjoyed a wonderful holiday season filled with joy, laughter and love! And here we are in 2019: it is the time for planning the new year. It’s like giving ourselves a clean slate to design our life for the next 12 months!
Yet, the time to really do your visioning is actually coming up a bit later this month.
January 22nd is the official start of the new year according to Human Design. That is when the Sun enters the 41st gate, considered the start of the new cycle that lasts the year.
That 41st gate is the gate of Imagination. For several days the Sun will be residing in this gate, supporting you on your vision quest: what do you imagine for yourself this year?
It is a good time to meditate and take out your journal to imagine where your heart takes you. What do you envision yourself doing and being this year, and also, where will your energy be most able to serve?
Now, more than ever, we are called to live more in alignment with who we truly are. The world really needs all of us to step up and show our light. How can we make that happen globally?
In light of that, I’m excited to announce that the 22nd is also the beginning of the upcoming 6-week Human Design Experience -Level I program!
It is such a gift to share about this system, something that has been so instrumental in my life, and to see the impact that Human Design has on others.
“This amazing tool helps me see and understand my life and relationships in new ways.” – Doina
The response to the past Human Design Experience program has been phenomenal! There were over 80 people who participated in the sessions, some by recording only, and 100% of the survey responses said they enjoyed the program. Wow!
Here are some of the things people said:
“I am starting to love myself and appreciate the efforts I have made to come to the me of today.” – Michelle
“I have changed my behaviour and my decision making. I understand more why I have been as I have and what marvelous experiences I’m calling forth now. What can I say; I enjoyed it all!” – Joyce
“I see myself in an entirely new way. I have been enjoying looking at other people’s HD charts and learning why we relate how we do. Human Design is by far, the most accurate system I’ve come across. I’m inspired to learn more!” -Lucia
The Human Design Experience – Level I program is an online, 6-week program and starts on January 22nd. Registration closes January 16th at Midnight ET.
You can learn more about the program here.
How about you? What do you envision the new year will bring for you? Please email me, I’d love to hear from you and hold your visions in my heart!
Happy Holidays from My Heart to Yours!
It is the end of the year: a great time to look back at all that has transpired. What an interesting year it has been! For me, this was a year of ‘un-structuring’ and learning to follow my flow, which ultimately resulted in some amazing experiences.
I have always had strict routines: each morning I wrote my journal, meditate, do my workout; all before starting my official workday. Yet, this past year Spirit has requested me to be less identified with my regular practice as a ‘spiritual badge of honor’ and to realize that my true connection to the Universe is available to be expressed in each moment… Something I knew, but I now get to live. Now, I write my journal only a few times a week and my meditation may take the form of a walk along the ocean… How lovely is that!
And this realization has blossomed my friendships and also my business, which expanded from individual coaching and private Human Design sessions to delivering programs. (Yes!!)
It was absolutely wonderful to deliver the first Human Design Experience Program! The feedback has been so overwhelmingly positive! 100% of the people who took the survey said they learned new things about themselves. But it was comments like this one, that really opened my heart with the deepest gratitude:
“While the information is complex and I don’t pretend to grasp most of it, I do know that I am already feeling so much more comfort & ease being Me. No more need to try to control or pretend to fit in anywhere. Ran into my nemesis the other day and experienced delightful conversation. I’m recommending this to my friends!” —Marilyn
So at the end of this year I want to Thank you! for being a part of this wonderful journey called ‘Life’. Your being here has made my day and my year!
Stay tuned for information about my interview with the amazing Molly Mandelberg in an upcoming podcast!
Click here to learn more about the next Human Design Experience Program –Level I, starting January 22nd!
Click here to learn more about the Human Design Experience Program – Level II, starting January 19th!
Wishing you a merry Christmas and wonderful 2019, filled with love, laughter, abundance and joy!
Looking forward to connecting with you soon.
At least, that’s what my attitude used to be!
It’s been a long time since I felt that, but I used to dread going back to work after the fun summertime. Now I know it’s entirely possible to have a career that truly fulfills you, even if your current job feels like you’re completely in the wrong place!
That’s why I created this free Career Equity Checklist. This checklist helps you realize what you bring into the workplace and if your job is actually worth your effort. (How about that for a change?)
And I also want to offer you this brief video about owning your value in the workplace. It’s key to getting to do more of what you love! This video clip is from the recent TGI Monday webinar, which was a very fun event! Next week there will be another chance to join me on-line, or come join us for a cup of tea in person at the end of the month!
Hope to see you there!
How to Make your Work Ethic Work for You
I just returned from a wonderful vacation to Europe with my husband and youngest daughter! It was amazing, traveling all over England and The Netherlands. Now I’m thrilled to be back at work again, having a chance to connect with you!
You may know, that for the last 17 years, I have studied and coached people in the areas of stress management and life purpose, most often in terms of their career.
To me, your work should be something that nourishes you. Something that gives you inspiration and fulfillment mixed with peace of mind, a sense of building a futureand the joy of making an impact in the world.
However, in my work, people often come to me because they no longer feel aligned with what they do each day and are frustrated, because they feel overworked, stuck and/or not recognized for what they bring in.
Now, if you are like most women, you typically spend 40-60 hours per week at your work. That is about 70% of your time! And when you are not aligned with what you do, that is a lot of time and energy you are not fully appreciated for.
If you are not making the impact you want to make in your career, then most likely you also don’t get paid enough for what you actually do. Which in turn makes it hard to leave for an uncertain future, because you may not have the resources built up to sustain you while you are looking for something new.
The only way to end this struggle is to use your own work ethic work for YOU instead of just for your boss, so that you can have more balance, create a purposeful career that you love and have more time to do what you do best.
My Big Announcement: That is why I have spent many hours over the past months to make the Your Career, on Purpose! – Program* even better!
And it starts on Thursday, September 20th at 10am PT. In this new and improved, step-by-step Program, you will discover:
- The 3 scientifically validated steps to get out of overwhelm and feel more calm and ease in your work day.
- The most common mistake even savvy professionals make that keeps them selling themselves short in their career.
- Why knowing your own value in the workplace is crucial for being able to do what you love.
- The #1 Secret to shifting your time that will shift your whole life for the better. (It’s not what you think!)
- How to use the powerful ‘I Am’ strategy to get the career you desire.
- How to attract new opportunities that are right for you, and act on them!
Through individual & group coaching, personalized technology, and step by step templates the Your Career, on Purpose! – Program teaches you how to go from being frustrated and stuck in a job to having a career that you love, making the impact you want to make. More job satisfaction makes a happier you and therefor a happier home (and ultimately a happier world)!
What if your career could feel like that? What if you had more job satisfaction and probably a higher salary to boot? When you are in sync with what you do, aligned with your purpose, there is less inner conflict. And because it is more natural to be you, you get to show your best characteristics and that will be rewarded.
Stop suffering with the frustration of being in a job you are no longer aligned with and instead use your work ethic for your own purposeful career! Join me, the program starts on September 20th at 10am PT.
To learn more, schedule a call or visit www.connectingnewdots.com/your-career-on-purpose-program/
Here to support you!
The Call to Change our Work Environment
Decades ago it used to be so that once you worked for a company, you would stay there for the rest of your life. The company would take care of you through your health care and retirement. Especially in the US, this is no longer the case. Over the past few decades, economic downturn has caused layoffs; company stakeholders require higher returns, which means that a company must not only produce on time and within budget, but preferably with fewer employees than actually needed…
Over the past 15 years I have seen the effects of this economic shift on the health and general quality of life of my clients. My business focuses on helping people who are no longer aligned with their current work create a career where they feel recognized, so they bring out their best performance in their work, and can make the impact they want to make in the world. However, when a client initially comes to me, they often are experiencing a sense of burnout from their work for quite some time instead.
People can handle (not necessarily manage!) a lot of stress. Yet when this stress continues for a long period of time, the body revolts. Stress can lead to headaches, back aches, sleep disruptions, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. People may experience anxiety, frustration, depression and/or anger, and relationships suffer under all of these factors. And all the while the company they give so much of their time and energy increases demands for projects, requiring greater output at as low of a cost possible and often putting people in work relationships that are mismatched…
A wonderful HeartMath coach who was in a program I taught years ago sent me an interesting Stanford Business article, called ‘The Workplace Is Killing People And Nobody Cares’ by Dylan Walsh. It is an interview with the author of the book “Dying for a Paycheck” by Jeffrey Pfeffer, professor of organizational behavior at Stanford Graduate School of Business. He states “We are harming both company performance and individual wellbeing, and this needs to be the clarion call for us to stop. There is too much damage being done.”
Shifting a company’s mentality to recognize the true cost of their employees’ wellbeing will take time. Luckily there are things that we can do, individually and as leaders in our organization to make a start. Here are a few strategies that I recommend.
- Emotional Resilience helps you deal with the daily pressure and demands on your time and energy. This is often one of the first things I work on with clients. When stress is overwhelming, the body creates too much of the stress hormone cortisol. The result is that the brain goes in fight or flight mode, and prevents people from complex thought. This is why people under stress become reactive. In my work I teach a skill set of scientifically proven techniques that create great results, improving both the client’s health and the company’s bottomline.
- Conversational Intelligence is a body of work created by Judith E. Glaser that I have found to be very impactful. It shows us a model of how our language can create an environment of either trust or hostility. Whether this is within a Fortune 500 company or within your family, you learn to use the neuroscience of the brain to create more bonding and through that, better performance. In Judith’s words: “…Through language and conversations we learn to build trust, to bond, to grow, and build partnerships with each other to create and transform our societies.” You can download a paper that Business Coach Brian Branagan has available on his website and a talk he gave some months ago, about how he uses this model successfully in his work with clients.
- BG5™ assessments for individuals and leaders When individual clients come to me, they often are looking for a different career. They tend to feel undervalued and they may not be clear on the next phase of their career. Alternately, when I work with company leaders, their focus is often on how they can maximize their ability to lead their team, board and investors, for the business’ optimal performance. Contact me for a free Career Skills Map or if you want to learn more.
- Group Analysis and group engineering is especially helpful for small groups and organizations who want to maximize the effectiveness of their team and support their business’ performance, with more flow and individual wellbeing. Employee analyses are combined in an in-depth group model, to help the leader determine where specific employees might have the most impact. The model also helps the group understand the qualities each individual brings and how interactions can be optimized for the best results.
These strategies are just some that I use, and are only a few of many out there. Ultimately, I believe that as a society we are in a process of a mentality shift: one where as individuals we realize the current work structure is holding us back from the best we have to offer. That ‘best’ can only surface when we are healthy, rested and emotionally supported. And it’s amazing to see that more and more people are choosing this as a reality for themselves!
Yes, we live in interesting times!
Thank the Universe for autocorrect… Yes, it’s Mercury Retrograde, which means that all things connected with communication can go awry, including technology. In my case, in this moment my keyboard is malfunctioning and for some reason the letter ‘i’ doesn’t work consistently!
I know it sounds silly to write about this Mercury induced issue, but it I wanted to check in with you about the interesting times we live in, especially these last few months. Apparently there are several planets in retrograde in addition to Mercury: Saturn, Neptune, Pluto, and Mars all give us their own flavor. Here is a brief article I found about how they create (= support) our chaos.
It has brought up challenges for me (I’ve noticed with clients as well) and because Chiron is involved, we have an opportunity to resolve old hurts and patterns, some of which may stem from childhood.
So what is this all about? Do these planets have it out for us?
On the contrary, we are called to live our purpose!
We are in a global time of ‘adulting’ (which is a term I learned from one of my millennial clients.) It means “growing up” and being responsible for ourselves and our actions. In this case, the Universe is calling us forward to step up and stand up, to fully express our purpose and step into what we are here to do. And in order to deeply, fully do so, it can mean we have some inner cleaning up to do. Challenges may come up for us to deal with. You may feel more emotional (anxious, weepy even). Physically you may experience illness or feeling a bit rundown.
Or perhaps you have noticed a slowing down in your activities? The things you were planning to do may require more time and need revision. For me, I’ve been wanting to release my Human Design program, but for some reason the timing is not right. Not right now, at least. If I’m walking my talk, I need to follow my own Design and my gut response says, “No, wait a bit longer.” Well, this ‘bit longer’ has been going on for a few months now and I’m noticing the impatience. And, I’m sitting with it, because my trust in the larger plan is bigger.
So if you’ve noticed any of these ‘symptoms’, don’t despair. Use them for the potential growth they offer and know that relief is on the way as these planetary bodies turn direct in the next few months!
Here are a few questions for you to ponder as you are going through your day:
What activity/ project has been taking longer than expected lately? What do you feel around that? Can you just be with these emotions and sense the higher wisdom behind them?
How are you expressing your Purpose? How do you feel when you are doing those things that express your Purpose?
How can you express your Purpose even more in the day to day?
Sending you lots of care and hope to see you at one of my upcoming events!
Wednesday, August 22, 2018: TGI Monday! Secrets to having the work you love!
12 noon – 1pm PT Essential Space, 1509 Seabright Ave, Unit A2 Santa Cruz, CA 95062
upstairs in the meeting room
Thursday, August 23, 2018: TGI Monday! Secrets to having the work you love! -Online Webinar
10am PT. https://zoom.us/j/200570328
Want to find your purpose? No need to travel the world!
Have you ever experienced that feeling, that you were meant to do more with your life? Like there is some big picture that you fail to see in the daily humdrum of going to work, doing groceries, making dinner… repeat…?
Many years ago, my then-husband and I found ourselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon talking about our bucket list. Here we were; we had a good marriage, a lovely young daughter, we both had good jobs, a nice house, a three- car garage… Why weren’t we happy?
I had been feeling a strong sense of inner restlessness… Like there was something else I should be doing with my life, but what that was, that was just not clear. It felt like a desperate squeezing of my soul that was forcing me to pay attention.
As we sat there on that rainy day, we asked ourselves that question that many ask to get closer to finding out what would really bring happiness. ‘What if we won the lottery? What would we do?’
We started brainstorming about different things; of course we would buy a house for each of our family members and things like that. However, as we got deeper, one thing we both realized was that we loved to travel. Maybe that would bring each of us closer to living our purpose…
Have you ever asked yourself that question? It’s a great one to start with. It can give you insight into your values, but often you have to drill a bit deeper than the first answer that comes up. In this case, we didn’t go deeper than the idea of seeing the world. We got so excited that we pulled out a map and started placing pins in all the areas we’d like to visit.
So we sold our house (this was during the big housing boom) and set off with our then 1 1/2-year old daughter to Central and South America, Europe and Egypt.
We traveled for almost a year and while it was definitely one of the highlights of my life, the old Confucius quote of ‘wherever you go, there you are’ was most definitely true. I did not find my purpose, however hard I looked.
Back home I found myself again experiencing this stirring of my soul, mixed with a deep desire to be of service. How could I make an impact? What was it that I was uniquely meant to be doing with my life… And ‘by chance’ I happened upon an article by Martha Beck in O Magazine, about Life Coaching. This was in the year 2000, when the coaching industry was just starting to blossom.
Suddenly I felt goosebumps, this sense of recognition: this was it! That is when I signed up for my first coach training…
Fast forward many years, I now I have a wonderful life, thanks to all the tools I’ve learned along the way. I have been the director of two coaching programs and delivered training at companies like Best Buy, Yum! Brands, etc. I love working with individuals and small businesses and am deeply humbled and honored when people tell me how our work together has impacted their lives.
And along the way, I have realized something. It is not what you have and not necessarily what you do, that brings you purpose. It is how you express it, that lets you live your purpose.
For some people that means moving to Columbia and teaching English, like it was for one of my clients; for others it may be starting a new business that really lets them apply all their gifts, like for some other clients I work with.
Ultimately, it is the meaning that you give to what you do and knowing that you have an impact, that is when you live your purpose. It is what I find brings most fulfillment in life and peace in your soul.
How do you express your Life Purpose?
Do you recognize that same sense of squeezing in your soul? That feeling that there is more to you than you are showing the world? I love to invite you to a free 30 min. call to help you get crystal clear about where you are in your life, where you want to be, and I will offer some powerful resources to help you get closer to living
At the end of the session, I’d love to take a few minutes to check in with you about whether continuing to work together would serve you. There’s no pressure to continue with me and I won’t even invite you to work with me unless I think I can really help you. Please contact me if you’d like to schedule a call, I’d love to talk with you.
Try this at home:
Would I have done this exercise then, I probably wouldn’t have sold the house and traveled around the world. Again, it was an amazing experience that I still draw from. That said, the love that I get to have for my clients, helping them reach their goals and experience themselves as the amazing people they are, that is how I really get to live my purpose…
Here to support you,
Valentine’s Day: giving the gift of appreciation
Some years ago, after the butterflies had settled some in our marriage, I found myself days away from Valentine’s Day without an idea for a gift. In fact, thinking about our relationship I realized that my conversations with my husband had changed. From ‘I really like … about you’ I would now just as often say things like, ‘Honey, could you please …’, while pointing at something that needed cleaning up and speaking in a tone ranging from mild irritation to exasperation.
Just to give you an idea, my husband and I have a very different ‘eye for our environment’, which is a euphemism for ‘seeing things that may be out of place’. It explains why he is able to walk past a pile of stuff, while I in overwhelm feel called to immediately start putting things away.*
For instance, if you visit our bedroom (I’m not sure why, but for the sake of this article) you’ll immediately be able to tell which side of the bed belongs to whom, based on the state of our nightstands… (I’ll leave it at that.)
There is a balance in relationships between appreciation and resentment. Appreciation happens when we truly see what the other person brings, while resentment shows up when the other doesn’t meet our expectations. And for me at that time, the balance in our relationship had shifted to a place where resentments were building up. That was not what I wanted. Not only does resentment drain energy, it also creates incoherence in the relationship.
Luckily I have tools for that and I knew exactly what to do to shift the situation. So for that Valentine’s Day I made him a little box full of memories of our courtship as well as other things I really appreciated about him. What I found was that as I wrote, more memories came up and more moments to celebrate his presence in my life!
I rolled each little note up into a small scroll and secured it with a small elastic band (the ones my daughter used for her braces came in quite handy for this). I gathered them all in a small box full of appreciation, which my husband received on Valentine’s Day. He loved it!
These many years later, he still has the box on his nightstand. Not all the scrolls have been read; as a matter of fact, he tends to take one out at random moments and really treasures them. And sometimes, when I have asked ‘Honey, could you please…’ a little too often, he will share one of the notes with me. It really brings us back into a better space together!
*Afterthought: or maybe we simply have a different perspective of where things belong… ;o))
If you are experiencing irritations and resentments in your relationship and would like to shift those, I’d love to schedule a call with you. I promise to be deeply curious and help you get crystal clear about where you are in your situation, and offer some resources that have helped many others in the past.
Here to support you!
Another Happy and Vibrant New Year
Maybe it’s just me, but doesn’t it feel like it’s already been weeks since the New Year started, even though it’s only the 5th of January?? Luckily, we still have some time before the Human Design new year officially starts. So if you missed setting intentions, you still have a couple of weeks, until the 22nd of January. That is when the sun enters the 41st gate, considered the start of the new cycle in Human Design.
With that in mind, I thought it would be helpful to share some steps that I use to help create intentions. Not resolutions; in my own experience and my clients’, resolutions don’t seem to last very long… However, intentions can help us focus perspective. Here are three questions that I use in my process:
- What area(s) in your life do you want to focus on for the next number of months? (knowing that you can always give yourself permission to change them)
- What brings you joy as you think of that intention?
- What truly serves in the long run?
As an example, let’s use a common goal after the holidays: the intention ‘I want to lose weight’. Now, take a moment and feel how that feels… Pretty dreadful, to be honest! Now change this to the intention of ‘I want to look and feel great’. How does that make you feel? The first intention is really a strategy, it’s a means to an end. However, the second is a goal that can be attained in many ways, allowing for more joy in the process and therefore it becomes more likely to attain!
The last question, ‘What truly serves’, is a powerful question to use in the moment, day to day, to help weed out the short-term satisfaction over the longterm goal. For instance, eating a piece of cake every day can give joy in the moment, but ultimately it most likely won’t really serve the intention of looking and feeling great!
Hopefully these few steps will help you in your process to have your most expansive and joyful year yet!
It may have been a while since we saw or spoke with each other, so you may not know that some months ago I made a big life change. I left my position at HeartMath to expand my own coaching business, teaching women how to enjoy a more happy, healthy, conscious and energetic life. It’s been going really well and I feel very blessed to be working with such amazing clients!
If you, or any women you know, are interested in discovering what that would mean for them, I’d love to schedule a call with you. I promise to be deeply curious and help you get crystal clear about where your situation, and offer some resources that have helped many others in the past. And if I feel we would be a good fit, I’ll share about my coaching package. But only if I feel I could really help you.
After doing many, many Human Design readings one question that I often hear from clients is, ‘So how do I learn more!’ With this in mind, I’ve been working on a program that does just that. It will be released soon, so stay tuned for more!